Roadkill Symphony: The Anatomy of a Heartbreak
This is dedicated to all my hommies…ahem* ahem* ahem* ahem* …..baskog ta ya mg a murat! and so this goes to my little sister as well…i hope you never go through thi s Quebin c
ause this is what happens when you get your heart broken.
Of a ll losses, the loss of love is most painful. When we suffer other disappointments and injustices, it is love that comforts the soul and makes our pain bearable. In our daily lives, when we experience loss, rejection, or failure, our minds automatically protect us by remembering that somewhere out there we are loved. But when love is lost, there is no way to find relief; there is no comfort or protection. Lost ang drama. Most often we are not aware of how much we rely on this support until it is taken away.
When we lose a primary source of love, we are suddenly stripped of all our defenses and forced to experience the raw pain of loss, the hurt of deprivation, and the sadness of loneliness. At this point, we not only mourn the
loss of our loved one, but we pray for relief and ask, “Why does it hurt so much? or Nga-a sa akon ni na tabo?”
There is no way we could ever anticipate the agonizing pain and emptiness following the loss of love. Isa lang ang result in a painful breakup: a broken heart. At first we are stunned. we feel sudden numbness. Every cell in our body exclaims, “No! It cant be. I wont let it. This is not happening.” As we cry out to God, w
e refuse to accept the loss.
We hope that we can wake up the next day and everything will be back to normal. Gina hambal mu nlng sa self mu na “if only this could be a bad dream” leche. Soon, we realize it has happened, and we can’t go back to change it. When we accept our helplessness, a reality sets in, and we begin to feel alone. Looking at the horizon of our life, it is cold and barren. As our numbness gradually thaws, we realize that we are in pain and it hurts a lot.
Our hearts ache as they cry out in loneliness and confusion. We are stunned by helplessness. We fight inside with our ability to change what has happened. We become distraught as we sink in the depths of despair and hopelessness. We feel lost and abandoned in a sea of emptiness and darkness. Time slows down and the passing of each moment seems like an eternity.
Leche! Leche! Leche! Leche!
It is a struggle to simply fill each empty moment and get through the day. At times the bittersweet pain of loss is replaced by numbness, but then something reminds us of our loss, and once again we long to feel love again. Never before we have experienced our need for love and connection so agonizingly. As we are forced to face and f
eel the raw pain in our hearts, we realize our lives will never again be the same.
Eventually, when the healing process is complete, we fully let go. In our minds and hearts, we surrender and accept that we cant change what has happened. Being single again, we start to rebuild our lives. Once more, we begin to reach out to give and receive love. Although we could not have imagined it, our lives come back to a sense of normalcy. After darkness of despair, the warm, comforting, and soothing sunshine of love reveals itself once again. Tani eh…but most people find another person soon enough. Indi ni xia che che lang ha.
Although this happy ending is possible, it is not guaranteed.