IT BURNS YOU TO LEARN

Now I have a confession,  I was anxious yesterday.  So nervous actually that it was beyond disturbing.  It just didn’t show.  Cool control was my one of my three companions other than my bestfriends, Andrea and Manxu.  But you wanna know how i feel right now?   I can’t believe how pointless it was to feel the way I felt last night.  You know that feeling of anticipation when you just want to see someone just to substantiate if you are still in love with him or not?  Yes.  That was my laconic sentiments as of the events of last night.   When he was already 5 feet away from me, I didn’t feel anything.  It was a full realization that the vagueness of my awareness was telling me that there’s nothing there anymore.  Empty.  Depleted.  Exhausted.  Dead.

He was just there.  I programmed my instinct to forget that he was around.  For someone whose no stranger to revenge, I am the last person you’re gonna mess with.  He is a violent criminal and, like other criminals, he should be brought to condign punishment.  I don’t want to be friends anymore.  Bitter na kung bitter.  I just don’t care.

Meaning I’ve proven to myself that I have moved on.  (Before it was just words I tell people.  You know, just to make them believe that I am ok.  That I don’t want to cause any trouble, cause I really don’t want to.  To somehow misguide myself that I really am OK.)  At the moment, I think I can finally say that I am a survivor.

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