One Third of Three Sides

There is this triangle. The sides are so sharp, just thinking about it is a difficulty. I’m like, “What the hell?”

A bevy of emotions and hyperventilating thoughts invade my heart and brain for I never thought to be part of this set. See, this is why I never ever want to fall in love with a friend in the first place. This is a perfect disaster. I am in the middle. It is turning out to be circus of hearts in which I am the only one who has the inkling of it happening.

It just hurts so much. I’m tired of the fake plastic smiles I plaster across my face just so the my plaintive heart doesn’t show how its breaking.

Sometimes I think that self-immolation is the only way to save us. I’ll just sit back and watch the tides turn. Let myself out of the picture. And maybe, just maybe…just maybe. I don’t know.

I’ve never been the promiscuous person. I never make the first move. Heaven might curse me and hell might deny me, I’m never gonna make a move on. Promise. I am that shy. I may be around guys every time but they call me “part” or “pareh”. Just your plain old one of the gang chick. But I’ll let you in on a secret…I try to hide my fascination with the opposite sex by masquerading as a tomboy. There.

But the thing is, this guy I like is so comfortable being with me cause he thinks I’m a boy too. I mean, even though he tells people that I have this bikini tittle and that he is proud of having me as his friend but still thinks I am still one of the guys. Sure, he is the most gentlemanly, caring, cavalier, and dashing person I know and he treats me like a princess but that doesn’t change the fact that he has no feelings whatsoever.

I am so engrossed with this individual. He made me alive once more. Its like smiling for the first time without really faking it. Its like finally getting hyped to get to work because he is there. Its like dressing up with a purpose once more. Its like looking at the world in rain bowed colors not just in monotone. He saved me just in the nick of time. Just when I was about to hang myself up to dry. He is my prince in shinning armor. He just doesn’t realize it yet.

It is just so unbelievable how one individual could change my outlook in life when I was wallowing in emotional distress for quite some time now. I feel like a superwoman whenever he is around. I don’t know what he is doing to me.

Yeah, so there goes the deal. I am in love with a person and that person likes another. I really cant do anything about it. I cant blame people for having hearts and feelings of their own.

I thought this was just going to be easy. I never thought I would fall for someone like this again. Its not like I have not been avoiding these emotions, gawd knows I’ve been trying real hard to put a stop to these sensations. There is just no stopping them, is there?

Just die Mr. Butterfly Man, please. Why don’t you?