Sad Songs For Dirty Lovers

Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives or if the moments in our lives make us? 

Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes, a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment… every part of it… will live on forever.

I never thought I’d be in the same position as I am in right now.  I always percieved of myself as the good girl.  Now, it seems like I’ve gone wild.  Is it just because I have turned into a nasty hag who is so selfcentered enough  that I let the circumstances get to me with out thinking of the side effects?  The chaotic whirlwindy circus that I have put myself in is so hard to get out of.  I can’t be apathetic to whatever that has happened lately.  It gets to me like a blade twisted 360 degrees so that the wound won’t heal.  The wound never did close, I might add.  Dugay na to.  I still wallow in emotional destruction over my past mistakes.

The truth of the matter is, we both are mature individuals.  One is single, the other is occupied.  The consequences?  Not if anyone in the circle lets all the skeletons out.   And the point of the discussion is that, we were happy at that certain moment. Happiness comes in many forms — in the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else’s dream come true, or in the promise of hope renewed. It’s okay to let yourself be happy because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be.

I take cover in the songs of madness that flow through my pc cause they are the only comfort I recognize – save maybe for my friends who tell me what is right or wrong. 

Ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life-altering? Is it four years, like high school? One year? An eight-week walking tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day? We’re always in a hurry to grow up, to go places, to get ahead… but when you’re young, one hour can change everything. 

I should apologize.  But I will not.  I let it happen.  I liked it.  I deserved it.  And maybe, just maybe, he deserved is as much as I did as well.

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