Keep Me Sane

I cannot find the right words to explain how I kept myself sane over the past three years of being without a guy, of being dateless on Friday nights. My sanity lies in the realization that neither myself nor my destiny can ever control the truth about having a relationship.

I was born alone, why would I kill myself just to have someone in my bed?

Gloria Steinem said:

“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”

Just like a fish, I could still swim the deep waters; without even learning how to walk, even ride bikes.

Yes, I survived three years without the comforts of a partner because I am a woman.

Sadness could devour me like forest fire, but my mind keeps telling me that I can be happy, that I can be normal; even though my hormones are now going haywire.

Sometimes, I would just scream at the top of my lungs to release the pressures of being alone. And then I would just come back to my senses and realize that in my solitude I found the person who would always be there for me… MYSELF.

Looking past the mirror in front of me, I see what is beyond the lines forming under my eyes, with brows slowly shaping into an arch of non-conformity. I see the nakedness of my femininity reaching its true value. I do not see curves; rather it is the simplicity of being who I am that suppresses the madness.

Insanity…

I have no clue what that means anymore.

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